Graduation: or what I like to call GAME of LOANS

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As I sat, mid-auditorium, listening to UAL Chancellor Grayson Perry‘s “inspirational” speech about how lucky all us creative graduates are and other nonsense, all I could think about was the sheer amount of graduates surrounding me. 500 of us, dowsed in ceremonial black and pink and emotional nostalgia, all simultaneously being chucked into the deep end of an ocean of debt. Imagine.

I loathe nostalgia. Nostalgia looks at a high-res video of Central Saint Martins’ too-clean concrete campus set to cheesy stock music and gasps, ‘awwwww.’ Nostalgia clutches your heartstrings and wears rose-coloured glasses. Nostalgia also grossly overlooks the fact that this crowded madness of a year is only one of six ceremonies within University of the Arts London, which is one of thousands of arts universities around the world; and this amount of diploma-handing happens every year. Nostalgia forgets.

But flippance, on the other hand, that’s what I’m talking about. Flippance with a bit of pizzazz. Flippance remembers. It downs a double gin-and-tonic just before finding its seat, almost pees itself and cackles loudly about the psychological warfare its been put through. Flippance sees the £30,000+ fine over everyone’s heads and crafts a very special warning to an oversaturated creative market:

THE GRADS ARE COMING!!!

Beware of the Game of Loans… for it’s gonna be a big class this year.

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Inspired by Game of Thrones, obviously.

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